Dear friend,
We don’t want love to stop.
We want more of it.
You’ll know how it feels to miss someone. However they showed up in your life. Human or otherwise. Your love for them doesn’t stop when they are no longer physically present.
You’re still connected.
When Santy was ill, deep inside we knew she would tell us when it was time for her to go.
As long as she was barking at foxes and enjoying her food, outraged by the local cats’ tight rope walking along the back fence, we figured she wanted to stay. We bought a harness to support her back legs and a cart with wheels that didn’t work out and we sold on ebay, to a family going through the same thing.
We went online and learned as much as we could.
Never once did we object to nursing her.
Only when she was restless and uncomfortable would you feel lost, it began to happen more and more regularly early evenings and we knew it was time to help her leave.
When she did go, it was early morning, the day that the vet’s home visit had been arranged. I was realising I’d held on too long and should have let her go maybe a day or two earlier. It made me sick and dizzy to admit it.
I was sleeping on cushions next to her on the kitchen floor. The vet had left us some painkiller shots, and to try and make her comfortable, I’d used a syringe for the first time.
I lay there listening to her breathing as she slept.
Eventually I fell asleep into the relief of unconsciousness.
I forgot about everything.
Santy’s breathing became erratic. I woke back into it and held her in my arms as she took her final breath. Her body relaxed and she was flying around the room.
I was on my knees holding her body.
“Oh my God you’re gone.” was all I could say.
I didn’t know what to do.
Chiara was away.
I moved Santy’s body into the living room on her bed and sat with it for a while. She looked like she was sleeping. I got up and wandered from room to room. I hovered in the doorway of the living room and imagined her waking up.
I fell asleep again on the couch. When I came back into the world I dealt with the situation, the practicalities of it and eventually learned how to live without her trotting by my side.
She mean’t so much to us and for me Santy cut through my false self’s most pernicious taunting.
Proving I’m loveable by loving me and choosing me as her human.
Now the pain of missing her helps me to focus my mind. It’s four years now and there’s a softness and a sweetness to it.
She’s in the astral worlds with my Mam and Dad. As you know I visit them during meditation. Everyone can do that. We just have to expand our thoughts beyond the restrictive beliefs of materialism.
Free them.
Our minds that is.
Free to be our Selves.
So we can be fully human, in touch with our divinity.
Suffering will do that.
Take you to that place.
Break you open.
Where love flows.
Braided with loss.
Stronger than before.
Forever One.
Immortal Spirit.
Here’s a picture of a picture.
Till tomorrow
Love
Mikey
Beautiful ❤️